Learning Gendered Identities through our own Parents and Schools

            In chapter 7, Becoming Gendered: The Early Years, in the book Gendered Lives: Communication, Gender and Culture, Julia Wood discusses how parents are the primary influence for young children on developing gender identity.  As children grow up, they also recognize and establish their gender identities. Wood says that young boys mainly identify with their fathers and young girls mainly identify with their mothers. Boys and girls tend to develop their masculine or feminine identities through their mothers and fathers. Boys without a strong, masculine, adult male figure tend to lack certain characteristics to a boy who has strong male figure present. Younger boys tend to search for male role models in their lives in order to develop their masculine identification. Wood goes on to discuss parent’s communication of gender to their children. Wood says, “Typically, girls are rewarded for being cooperative, helpful, nurturing, and deferential…” (Wood 147). These characteristics that are taught to young girls follow the general stereotype of women in today’s society. Wood also says, “For boys, rewards are more likely to come for behaving competitively, independently, and assertively” (Wood 147). One can see how young children start to learn their gender identities and the differences between boys and girls from their parents. Parents teach their children their own view of gender stereotypes, which may differ from their children’s definition. Parents also are likely to communicate gender differences through toys and games. Parents may encourage young girls to play with dolls and kitchen sets; these toys encourage girls to assume a domestic role in society and may discourage girls from participating in aggressive sporting activities. It is the same for boys; parents encourage their boys to play aggressive and active games, leading to boys developing more dominance and independence over girls. Boys are expected to be tough and independent. As boys grow up, they are constantly told, “not to be a girl”; boys are told to “suck it up” and not to show feminine characteristics of weakness. Wood talks about how boys are expected to be successful, aggressive, sexual, and self-reliant. These characteristics teach boys to embody the traditional values of masculinity. On the other hand, girls focus more on their appearance and are expected to be sensitive and caring. Wood explains that today, society is starting to realize that there is not one definitive definition of masculinity or feminine. Some children grow up to challenge the traditional gender roles and today more people are starting to recognize the range of different gender identities.

            In chapter 8, Gendered Education: Communication in Schools, Wood discusses the difficulties of the gendered expectations that all students face in their school system. Wood argues that females are discouraged from studying math and science and men are encouraged and have more support to participate in school athletics.  Wood also examines the difficulties of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender students in school. Males and females recognize and develop their gender identities throughout school. Certain schools assume heterosexuality of their students, which makes it challenging for some students to express their gender identities. Most males and females are expected to express their masculinity and femininity a certain way in schools and society. For example males are expected to drink and engage in sexual activity and girls are expected to wear certain popular brands of clothing and focus their attention towards weight. The expectation to participate in these masculine and feminine activities teaches males and females to conform to the social views of gender. Males and females should be able to express their own gender identity, even if it does not follow the traditional values of masculinity and femininity.

            I think both chapter 7 and chapter 8 are really important to understand how people develop their own gender identity. People recognize and develop their gender identities through their families and through school. I grew up in a typical American family, with a father who worked in the city, a mother who stayed are home, and two siblings. I definitely believe that my family structure affected how I constructed my own gender identity. As a child I remember wanting to be like my mom. And in order to be like my mom I helped around the house and participated in domestic activities. My parents also helped develop my gender identity through the toys that I grew up playing with. Although my parents were very accepting of all gender values, traditional and nontraditional, my parents did encourage general male and female stereotypes through my brother’s toys and mine. As a kid, I remember playing with a Barbie dream house and Polly Pockets. My brother received gifts like Risk and toy helicopters which encouraged competition and active play. I think it is really hard for parents to not gender their children. But I do believe that parents should be accepting of all gender identities and should support their children however they please to express their gender.

            I think it would be interesting to discuss with the class what toys they received as kids, to see if their parents followed or challenged the gendered world that we live in. I would also like to ask the class what struggles they faced in high school expressing their gender identity. High school is a tough time for most males and females; there is a lot of pressure from parents, teachers, coaches, and other students to act a certain way.