In chapter
9, Gendered Close Relationships,
Julia Wood discusses how people develop and maintain relationships throughout
their lives. Wood talks about the different forms of relationships and how male
and female personal relationships differ from each other. Wood argues that men
and women engage in different styles of friendships. Most women generally
participate in a more feminine style while men participate in a more masculine
style of friendship. In order to build close relationships women tend to, “…share
their personal feelings, experiences, fears, and problems in order to be known
by each others. In addition, women talk about their daily lives and activities
to connect with one another” (Wood 189). When women develop friendships they
need to connect with another person. Women also like to express their feelings
with others in order to feel close to another person. Women’s relationships
normally revolve around on dialogues, discussions, or communication with
others. These characteristics of building relationships would be considered
more feminine.
Wood goes on to talk about
masculine styles of developing friendships. For the most part, male friendships
revolve around a shared interest in activities, like sports. Whereas women are
more likely to share feelings, men are more like to share space, according to
Wood. A second characteristic of forming male friendships is helping others.
Men like to help others that they care about. For example, men like exchange
favors in order to build a friendship. A third characteristic of male
friendships is, “typically indirect talk about serious feelings” (Wood 191).
Most males do not want to show weakness when expressing their feelings to other
men; so in order to comfortably express themselves they tend to “joke talk”
about serious feelings. In order for men to communicate affection to others
they normally show it by teasing others or engaging in friendly competitions.
Wood explains how women’s relationships depend more on sharing feelings and
communicating verbally with others, while men’s relationships depend more on
sharing activities, exchanging favors with others, and communicating
nonverbally with others.
Wood goes on to discuss the
difficulties of developing friendships between males and females. Wood says,
“Because out culture so heavily emphasizes gender, it is difficult for women
and men not to see each other in sexual terms” (Wood 193). Although difficult,
men and women still form friendships. Men normally value closeness with women
because women provide emotional and expressive support for men. Women are more
accepting of expressed emotions, therefore men respond very positively to
friendships with women.
Wood explains the dynamic between
heterosexual male and female romantic relationships. Men tend to look for women
with an attractive appearance, who are small, slender, and sexy. While women
look for men who are financially successful and powerful. These characteristics
that men and women look for in each other directly reflect our cultural gender
expectations. Wood also discusses the differences in men and women and how they
express their affection for their romantic partners. Women want to share deep
feelings and want to connect emotionally with their partners. While men share
their affection through sexualized and spontaneous activities. Again, one can
see how men normally express themselves nonverbally while women express
themselves verbally towards others. Wood emphasizes the differences between men
and women and how each gender expresses themselves differently towards others.
Men and women’s relationships reflect our culture’s expectations of males and
females and also display the traditional gender roles that are present within
our society.
This chapter did a really good job
explaining the differences between the personal relationships that men and
women both develop. I thought it was really interesting when Wood explained how
men tend to express themselves nonverbally while women express themselves
verbally. While reading this chapter I noticed the differences in my own
relationships with my females friends versus my relationships with my male
friends. I am normally more comfortable with my female friends and tend to
connect with them on an emotional level by communicating and sharing my
feelings. I now notice that when I am with my male friends we are normally
always joking around with each other rather than communicating our feelings
with each other. I agree with Wood when she says it is hard for males and
females to see each other in a nonsexual way in close relationships. I think
friendships with the opposite sex are harder than friendships with the same
sex.
I think it would be interesting to
discuss with the class what gender their best friend is. My best friend is of
the same sex as me and I would assume that most of the class’ closest
relationships is of the same sex as them. I think it is easier to connect with
females and tend to develop more personal relationships with females. Does the
class agree with me? Do they think it is easier to connect and build a personal
relationship with someone who shares the same sex as them?
